ANGER MANAGEMENT
What is anger?
Anger is a natural and potentially productive emotion. It is a warning bell that tells you something is wrong in a situation and is usually experienced as an unpleasant feeling of displeasure or hostility.
How do I know that I am angry?
Ask yourself the following questions:
o Do I easily lose patience with people?
o Do I often feel that life is unfair to me?
o Do I say threatening or nasty things when I am angry?
o Do I get angry enough to hit, throw, or kick things?
o When I really lose my temper, am I capable of slapping or hitting someone?
If your answer is yes to most of the questions you may have problems with anger.
What makes me angry?
To understand your anger ask yourself Is it really true that he or she makes me angry or am I making myself angry? Someone said or did something that was unacceptable to me. Perhaps, it seemed unfair to me. It creates a new problem for me, or makes it difficult for me to get what I want. Naturally, I don't like it. It frustrates me. It upsets all my plans. This may be directly opposite of what I expected from this person. It denies me what I really wanted. But all the things I mentioned are "I", "me" and "mine." I made myself angry because those are my perceptions, my desires, and my expectations, etc.
Can anger harm my health?
There is some evidence that inappropriately expressing anger can be harmful to your health. Whether you're overly passive and keep your anger pent up, whether you're prone to violent outbursts, or whether you're quietly seething with rage, you may have headaches, sleep difficulties, high blood pressure or digestive problems. There's even some evidence that stress and hostility related to anger can lead to heart attacks.
If you kick a stone in anger, you’ll hurt your own foot.
Is all anger bad?
No. Anger is healthy when it propels you to action for your safety and promotes growth. When anger is used to feel powerful, to control and to humiliate just so you can feel superior, that is neither useful nor satisfying for very long. Anger is useful if it comes as a signal to alert you that you are being used, taken advantage of or being given a role that is not your responsibility. It is especially valuable when you feel you are being manipulated.
Is it ‘bad’ to feel angry?
No, being angry isn't always a bad or negative thing. Being angry can motivate you to listen to your concerns. It can prevent others from walking all over you. And it can motivate you to get involved with causes that you care about.
What can I do when I get angry?
Talking with a sympathetic friend, family or your doctor about life stresses can help to defuse anger.
Learn relaxation techniques. Slowing down your breathing, relaxing the entire body muscles one group at a time, and visualizing a comforting or pleasant scene are the three basics of relaxation.
Time-outs can also be useful. When you feel yourself getting tense or frustrated, say to the other person, I am beginning to feel angry and I need a time-out.? Time-outs work best in this way:
* Designate a specific amount of time (15 minutes to 1 hour).
* Leave the situation (for instance, walk into another room).
* Calm yourself mentally with deep breathing and self-statements.
* Do some non aggressive physical exercise such as walking, jogging, or bicycling.
Return to the situation, only continuing the discussion if the anger does not return. If the anger returns, take another time-out. Do not use drinking or drugs as a way to cope during the time-out.
Learn relaxation techniques. Slowing down your breathing, relaxing the entire body muscles one group at a time, and visualizing a comforting or pleasant scene are the three basics of relaxation.
Time-outs can also be useful. When you feel yourself getting tense or frustrated, say to the other person, I am beginning to feel angry and I need a time-out.? Time-outs work best in this way:
* Designate a specific amount of time (15 minutes to 1 hour).
* Leave the situation (for instance, walk into another room).
* Calm yourself mentally with deep breathing and self-statements.
* Do some non aggressive physical exercise such as walking, jogging, or bicycling.
Return to the situation, only continuing the discussion if the anger does not return. If the anger returns, take another time-out. Do not use drinking or drugs as a way to cope during the time-out.
What is a healthy way to feel and deal with anger?
Feeling healthy anger involves five steps:
1) Feel it without judging it. Admit to yourself that you are angry and note where in your body you are feeling it (such as a pounding heart or sweaty palms).
2) Question it. Ask yourself about its true cause (like hurt feelings or fear).
3) Express it, using I statements and words rather than by using blaming you statements.
4) Learn to use it to make positive changes in your life (for example, by changing jobs).
5) Let it go. Concentrate on releasing the anger and feeling calm again.
Feeling healthy anger involves five steps:
1) Feel it without judging it. Admit to yourself that you are angry and note where in your body you are feeling it (such as a pounding heart or sweaty palms).
2) Question it. Ask yourself about its true cause (like hurt feelings or fear).
3) Express it, using I statements and words rather than by using blaming you statements.
4) Learn to use it to make positive changes in your life (for example, by changing jobs).
5) Let it go. Concentrate on releasing the anger and feeling calm again.
What kind of activities can I engage in so that I can lessen the anger that I am experiencing?
While everyone has different things that can help them to get through stressful times, there are some things that you can do that will surely cause you to feel a little better. You can release some of the anger that you are experiencing simply by taking a couple seconds to take some deep breaths and relax. Cooling your body down can do a lot when it comes to helping to keep your mind at ease. Using mental imagery to project your mind elsewhere can help you to come back to a problem from a more even viewpoint, helping to put things into perspective with the problem that you are experiencing.
Any form of physical activity that you enjoy can be helpful in keeping your anger at bay. Do your best to focus on things in your life besides the problems. That’s not to say that you should ignore the problems that you face; address the things that you can change, but don’t let insignificant problems or things that you cannot change get to you. As stated before, everyone experiences feelings of anger – it’s what you do with the things that make you angry that determines how happy you are in your life.
Is “venting my problems to another person” a good way of dealing with anger?
While many people have argued that letting your feelings out by venting to someone can help you to relieve your anger, studies have been performed that have actually shown that it actually causes more problems than it does good. When you repeat your problems to another person, you are only rehearsing the problems that you are having and are often not able to find a sufficient solution. That is not to say that you shouldn’t try to work your problems out by talking to somebody; it merely states that telling people your problems will only make you think about them more often. When your anger is at the forefront of your thoughts, you will be unable to sufficiently live your life happily.
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